


Orphans Unite

by wynnebat



Series: HP/ASOUE [1]
Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events (TV), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adoption, BAMF Harry Potter, Crossover, Dimension Travel, Gen, Humor, Master of Death Harry Potter, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-27 20:22:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14433372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wynnebat/pseuds/wynnebat
Summary: Harry's on a job as Death's errand boy while Mr. Poe is seriously regretting his own.





	Orphans Unite

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2018 round of [Into a Bar](https://intoabar.dreamwidth.org/).

When Harry opens his eyes, he finds himself in the earlier half of the 20th century. It’s rather interesting; he’s visited so many time periods in so many worlds, but usually humanity doesn’t manage to fuck up too badly this early on—in 1927, Harry sees as he passes an advertisement. He can’t see any evidence of magic, aliens, or a global dictatorship, but sometimes people trying to end the world are more obvious about it. Or it could be that this world doesn’t need saving; sometimes Harry’s needed to obtain a few items needed in other worlds to balance shit out. Humanity, as he’s learned in his decades of working for Death, is rather good at getting themselves into trouble. On the upside, they’re usually not completely terrible at getting themselves out of it. When they can’t, it’s up to Harry to step in.

As Harry lifts the hat that’s atop his head to peer at it, he tries to remember what he knows about the 1920s of his home world, which he still uses as the basis for normalcy. Flappers, Charlie Chaplin— Wait.

“Is prohibition a thing?” Harry asks a man walking past him.

The man gives him an odd look, but says, “Not for two years now.”

“Oh thank fuck,” Harry sighs. After that last job, he really needs a drink. He’d spent a month wrangling a bunch of idiots who wouldn’t listen to him until it was nearly too late for their world. He’d better be at least twenty-one this time around. Death had gotten a thorough talking-to the first time he’d claimed it was necessary to age Harry down to his teens. Harry could steal all the liquor he wants easily enough, but that isn’t the point. He likes being able to sit back, enjoy a drink, listen in on a world’s gossip, and not be kicked out for being underage.

He’s walking down a crowded street in a large city, so it only takes a minute until Harry finds himself in a bar. It’s more upscale than he prefers, but his clothes seem to fit the place. Or not; Harry’s shit with fashion. When the bartender asks for identification, Harry pats his pockets for a wallet.

He opens it to find a nice wad of cash and some identification papers and travel documents. “I am,” he says, pausing to read the small font, “Harry Baudelaire and I am twenty-five years old.”

The bartender isn’t terribly impressed, but Harry gets his drink anyway. A sidecar, since he may as well lean into the 1920s aesthetic. As he turns away, a man with a seat at the bar asks, “Baudelaire, you say?”

Harry’s used to uncoincidental coincidences. Death does tend to plop him wherever he’s most needed. “That’s right. Harry Baudelaire.”

The speaker is a black man in a gray suit, a bowler hat resting next to his drink. “Are you perhaps related to Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire?”

“Sure am,” Harry says, taking a seat next to the man. “They’re distant cousins. And you are?”

“Oh my apologies, in my excitement I forgot to introduce myself. I am Arthur Poe, Vice President in Charge of Orphan Affairs at Mulctuary Money Management. After the Baudelaires’ parents perished in a terrible fire, I was assigned to manage the poor dears’ enormous fortune, which they will only receive when Violet Baudelaire comes of age in four years.”

“That’s horrible,” Harry says, taking a sip. “I’ll really miss my cousins—their parents—dearly—lovely people. Being in Britain and all, I hadn’t realized they were gone. Which of my relatives adopted the children after they passed?”

“Ah, that is the problem. We’ve had some issues with placing the children into a proper home,” Mr. Poe says. “They’re very good children, of course. Violet has her little inventions, Klaus his books, Sunny… well, she’s easily entertained. They’ve just had a touch of bad luck.”

“I had some rather bad luck myself as a child,” Harry replies. “I was left an orphan by the war.” Well, decades ago. Time has healed many of the wounds the Dursleys and Voldemort left him with. These days, Harry drops by the Weasley family whenever he feels he needs some familial love. After a few days of Molly’s mothering and sighing at his inability to settle down, Harry’s all set for the next adventure.

“You seem to have grown into a fine, upstanding young man,” Mr. Poe says, approvingly. “Would you be interested in taking the children in until they turn of age?”

“You’ll trust me with them?” Harry asks, raising an eyebrow.

“My next option would have been Esmé Gigi Geniveve Squalor—you know, the city’s sixth most important financial adviser—but we at Mulctuary Money Management always prioritize placing orphans with relatives first. So, what do you say, Mr. Baudelaire?”

Harry takes a few moments to think about it. Well, he _is_ here with the Baudelaire last name. It has to mean something. Maybe this Violet is going to create something that will blow up the world. She’s a bit young, but Harry’s seen stranger things. If he can’t find a better guardian for the kids once the job is done, four years isn’t long in the grand scheme of Harry’s immortal dimension-traveling life. Time is malleable for one such as Death. Harry could spend a lifetime here before going off for his next job, though he doubts it’ll come to that.

“Alright, you’ve sold me on the idea, Mr. Poe,” Harry finally says. “When do I meet them?”

Mr. Poe shakes Harry’s hand for longer than needed. “Immediately! It’s been a pleasure meeting you. I have a feeling we’re going to get along just fine! As long as you don’t die in a suspicious accident of course.”

“I what?”

But Mr. Poe is already escorting him out of the bar and going on about how Harry will love the poor dears, and he’s sure Harry will do a fine job with them, and blatantly not bothering with a background check. As always, Harry wonders what Death has gotten him into, and as always he walks on with a smile.

**Author's Note:**

> (At some point, Esme flirts with Harry and he says, “Ma’am, you are lovely and devious, but I alas am not attracted to women.” The next day, Count Olaf bats his eyelashes at him. Harry doesn’t find himself swayed.)
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I'm also on tumblr as @[crownwithoutstones](https://crownwithoutstones.tumblr.com/).


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